“I’ve always found that anything worth achieving will always have obstacles in the way and you’ve got to have the drive and determination to overcome those obstacles on route to whatever it is you want to accomplish.” – Chuck Norris
Sometimes it’s just about begin able to see a painful pattern in your life and accept how it is affecting your life in big ways.
For instance, after a few failed relationships in my early years after high school, I began to pay attention to my patterns. As you can imagine those failed relationships caused me a great deal of pain. I believed that the way to deal with the pain would be as easy as avoidance. Not facing it, of course, would be too much, actually that would cause more pain, right? Years of avoiding relationships in the end did help in opening my eyes to the reality of my pain.
After doing some self-reflecting and leaning on my beliefs, my stumbling block was revealed. Once revealed, I went through a stage of denial for a period but it wasn’t long before I went back to drowning out the real issue that lurked in the recess of my childhood memories. In no time I was back to facing the same pain only this time around, I went back to what was revealed to me and I faced it. It was a challenge, but I pushed ahead and felt that at a certain point I had gone too far to turn back.
It took some time and more courage that I felt I had at the time but I overcame. I had a great deal of support to help me along the way. I believe one of the key driving forces for me was that I wanted to be free. I knew that I no longer wanted to feel the pain of a failed relationship and I took responsibility for my happiness.
I wanted to be free more than anything and what was revealed to me, was that the trauma stemmed from my childhood. It was preventing me from living free and I wanted the cycle to end. I began to imagine what I would say to the person that caused me the pain. I imagined what they would say back but then something liberating happened. I discovered that as long as I could forgive myself, nothing the person said mattered.
Understand that when you are trying to free yourself, you can’t rest your freedom on how that person will react, their memory of the incident or their admission. Your freedom can only be won if you choose to let go, whether that’s with or without an apology.
I am grateful that the person I had to forgive wanted me to be free and loved me for looking out for me. His apology meant the world to me but even if he never apologized, I believe, I would have overcame either way.
Oftentimes it doesn’t work out that way. So I encourage you not to give your power away by placing emphasis on the apology, or the acknowledgement of the wrongdoing because you may miss out. Take your power back by setting yourself free through forgiving yourself. It’s your right! Forgiving is about letting go of past trespasses and learning from them.
It helps when you hold on to your belief system, have a supportive network and you acknowledge your painful patterns. It helps when you are real with yourself at the end of the day. It helps when you acknowledge repetitive pain and decide that enough is enough.
It won’t be easy, it wasn’t for me, it was hard and because it was hard, I can’t forget this valuable lesson called forgiveness. I can’t forget because it is now my responsibility to share my story with people that seem to have hit a wall and believe that they are not worth it. You are worth it so keep striving, you have come too far to turn back now.