“Love is the absence of judgment.” – Dalai Lama
I understand why we are so quick to judge others but are not so readily able to look at ourselves and see those same fault/flaws in ourselves. We all want to appear perfect and far removed from what we believe are dumb choices.
When will we grow to understand and draw upon our own past for guidance? We are often so quick to put a magnifying glass on others mistakes while passing judgment. In those moments, we need to practice empathy and do some self-talk that dares us to put our own faults ahead of our words and say, I was there once and made those same choices, now how and what can I use from this lesson to share a teachable moment in an effort to offer them tools that worked for us?
At a recent gathering this was my own thought shared about being conscious about how I place judgment on others, most times in my head. A fleeting thought resting on the tip of a tongue can cause a rift in a great relationship or could easily cause harm to someone if left unchecked. Try replacing those thought’s with a reminder that we are not far from that same judgment. This reminder serves as a way of making us gentler and softer and gives us the power to be forgiving and opens us up to sharing our own experiences, in an effort to making more conscious choices.
Using our own experiences as a reminder can help lessen the chances of us being disillusioned by our realities and our behaviors. It would allow us to be forgiving and less judgmental of the next person’s lesson.
“Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge, understand why. Before you hurt someone, feel. Before you speak, think.” – Unknown
Reprogramming the mind takes a period of silence to hush the constant chatter/noise. While in this state of silence pinpointing our thought origination becomes much easier and quicker to correct. Then after a while, when someone shares something with us we pay attention to our thought process, while locating when judgment comes, and it’s replaced with you sharing what you did in order to make more conscious decisions that relate to that person’s situations. This will increase your power. Being raw about life and sharing your pitfalls, further releases you, from fear and any regrets that maybe still lingering. A double whammy really, sharing and caring!
We all have witnessed people who have reprimand others for things that they themselves were also guilty of. However, forgetting that they too have made those same choices and instead of sharing their pitfalls, they would rather scold and lecture them. It especially gets under my skin when an older person reprimands a younger person without taking into account age, level of maturity, background if known, etc. What about bringing light to the situation and instead of scolding, talk about alternatives, such as how they can make a conscious effort to change for the better?
Ironically, how come the teen Mom is unforgiving of their child’s teen pregnancy?
How come the prostitute turned business woman won’t give the now prostitute a chance to turn her life around?
How come the hustle man turned store owner is quick to chastise the young guy trying to sell his t-shirts in front of his now legitimate store?
How come the adulteress has no mercy for the child born out-of-wedlock?
How come the drug addict turned minster has no tolerance for the teens that smokes weed?
I would think that they would be able to emphasize with individuals that mirror their own self-image at some stage in their life, but I don’t know why they can’t.
Judging others keeps us from looking at our own shortcomings. Judgment is like sugar for people who indulge, they gain an easy and quick fix that fills them up, making them feel above the rest, assisting in creating the illusion that we have it all together. People are creative at making things seem picture perfect in the age of technology and as a result we feel like something is wrong with us.
“Why are you crying?” I had someone recently ask during a casual exchange about my feelings on a relationship, as if something was wrong with crying. My response, “I’m happy about the possibilities of the relationship, although I don’t like the person.” My response was unexpected by them and I asked, “Isn’t it a form of purging?” They nodded yes, but something told me that they weren’t altogether honest with their response. Crying doesn’t mean something is wrong, to me. It means something is right. Kind of like, dancing in the rain, on the inside!