“My sun sets to rise again.” – Robert Browning
With years removed from what I considered my awakening, I have to admit, I still find myself wondering what happened to me. All-in-all, I believe it was for the good and that it was divine but there is a piece of me that wonders if some of the opinions I received were true.
One person, I confided in during that time thought that I was depressed. So I sat with that at the time. I understood what depression was but not for me. I was sad and things could have been better at the time but depressed? Maybe. I was having trouble sleeping. I had a lot of responsibilities at the time. Then there were times when just like that, I would have epiphanies, parable-like dreams, and foretellings. Does depression look like that? I wondered.
One person thought that I was in spiritual warfare. I thought about this because I couldn’t dismiss this entirely either, after all, I was constantly reading the bible. A big part of awakening had everything to do with questions surrounding my beliefs in God. I became consumed with the teachings of the bible because I was desperate for answers. I look back now and question if my constant studying of the bible caused my night terrors because they resembled the stories I read before bed.
Today I come across articles often where people are trying to figure out if they have had a psychotic break or a spiritual awakening. And like them, I wonder if something else was going on. I am even afraid at times for people who seek this experience, although I am aware that not everyone has had an unpleasurable experience. The closest experience I have read to what I experienced was the ayahuasca experience. If you know anything about ayahuasca, you know that it’s frightening. Now imagine having that experience without having to consume anything. This is why I am fearful when I read about people who seek out shamans for this experience. I would rather offer a more natural way that I believe leads to awakening.
I believe that examining your beliefs and going within yourself in search of the answers to life’s hardest questions can catapult you into a spiritual awakening. Only your higher source and your higher self can give you the answers you seek.
We only see what we want to see.; we only hear what we want to hear. Our belief system is like a mirror that only shows us what we believe. – Don Miguel Ruiz
I offer you two important pieces of advice regarding a spiritual awakening. One, believe in something greater than yourself and lastly, trust that this greater source is forever working on your behalf.
What I needed most during this period was the unwavering belief that God was there the whole time. My spiritual awakening further imprinted on my heart and mind that no matter what this life offers me, I can overcome. I wish it didn’t have to take a spiritual awakening, but it did.